I'm so sorry to those of you who actually pay attention to my journals. I can't believe how long it's been since I've updated. Woo, life has certaintly been a rollercoaster since then, lemme tell you.

First news comes first - had a boyfriend for a month or so. Name: Mike. Occupation: Asshole. I mean really, he was. Before we got together we were really good friends. Then I guess we liked each other, tried things out.
Didn't work.
If I knew how much he was going to change when we got together, I would have never dated him to begin with. Seriously.
I mean, he's always been obnoxious and annoying. Always. He's always been so fucking full of himself (says he gets straight A's without doing anything in class) and he's always been a douchebag. (Nobody take that offensively, it's only meant as an insult to him) But I guess I overlooked it. Because it's not until now, when we're hardly friends, that I really see it.
During the relationship: So stupid. He was co-dependent. No lie. I felt like a crutch. He couldn't get anywhere without me. I felt like I was his only friend too. Insanely overaffectionate. I won't lie. I like affection. I like attention. But when we're standing a few feet away from each other, and I can't even stand there without him having to hold me, it's fucking ANNOYING. really. It's called PERSONAL SPACE, and I NEED IT.
I love people. I do. But there are those times when you just need to be alone. When everybody needs to go the fuck away and let you have some time to just deal with you.
He never gave me that!! He was always calling me, or texting me, or hanging around me. I can't stand that. I'm really big on being independent. I can't lean on everybody. I do things for me, and not completely rely on everybody else. So when he's being dependent, I'm kinda like, "Uh, back the fuck up."
Oh and then there was that whole ex girlfriend buisness.
Look, you can totally be friends with your ex girlfriend. I won't think anything less of you. I'm really good friends with my first ex boyfriend (first boyfriend I ever had) and I'm completely happy.
But when you say I'm acting like her, that's a completely different story. Especially when she was some fucking pyscho bitch when you two were dating.
Let's talk about her for a sec. Ashley. Looks sweet, acts sweet, isn't all that sweet. Her and Mike dated for like 8 months or so. After Ashley calling his mom a bitch over Myspace, Mike was FORCED to dump her.
Leaving her heartbroken.
Mike claims that she was crazy, he hated her, yadayadayada. Of course, it's total bullshit. Because if she was so fucking terrible, he would have dumped her without being forced to.
But she has this medical disease. Things drive her insane, she's under so much stress she rips her own hair out. So she wears a wig.
I have to say, it's fucked up to make fun of her. But after she went pyscho on me, I do it anyways.
So I haven't ever been best of friends with her.
So fast forward in time.
I'm on the phone with Mike. I do something (can't remember what that is) and he says, "God you're acting just like Ashley."
He says it in a joking manner, but frankly, it pisses me off. However, I mention nothing of this to him, and instead I take it jokingly too.
Oh, he had called me a jackass earlier that day too. But you know, whatever.
Eventually, I'm so ticked off and he's so depressed because he's called me 20 times (literally) and I haven't picked up the phone.
I send him a long ass text saying how much he's bothered me lately by calling me his pyscho ex girlfriend's name (mind you he totally acted like my ex before him - clingy and desperate, but I've never called him by my ex's name), the whole jackass comment, and the fact that he's been prancing around bragging how his life is so fucking perfect. I never ate that shit up. I know he actually works like a normal human being for his grade. Why he acts like he doesn't, I don't know. And I know that his life is so fucking grand because he can drive and he has a car and he's got money and everything he could ever fucking want in his life, including a, as he puts it, "girlfriend who isn't crazy and can bake shit." >_>
So fuck him for his perfect life.
I completely ignore him for a day or two. Then I've had enough of his depression shit, so I forgive him.
Things of course, will not go back to normal after this.
We don't ever have another fight. But my irritation continues to build. He continues to act as fucking annoying as ever, but I try so hard to ignore it. Like maybe it's a passing faze and he'll realize that I would prefer him to not bullshit me like he has every other person.
That doesn't happen.
When he'd get all affectionate and I wouldn't react really much, he'd get angry. (I'm not used to a huge amount of affection from my boyfriends. Maybe that sounds silly, but whatever.) So typically, I wouldn't really go all insane and ga-ga because he's holding me and kissing my forehead. I don't know how to do that.
The day. The day I've finally had enough. I borrowed his jacket that day. Wouldn't take it back when I told him to. The final period of the day - 6th. We're in the same class, we merely sit a row away from each other. And I fucking felt it.
The it. When you know you're ending it with someone. Trust me - the decision wasn't rash at all. I'd been thinking about it for a while. And his final act just pushed me to the limit.
We're walking out of 6th period. He goes ahead of me, acting like he's PMSing. So trying to be lighthearted, I throw his jacket over his head. He says, "I don't fucking want it." Wrong thing to say, wrong thing to do. I snapped.
My reaction: I throw the jacket at him and say, "Whatever. Fuck this." I storm the opposite direction. Passing Marina (really good friend), who's panicing and asking me what's wrong and what happened. Just as I turn and am about to explain, he is walking towards me. And it sets me off more. I turn back and continue down the stairs, ignoring her even though I didn't want to.
I'm going down the stairs when he's pulling on my backpack. I tell him to stop and I continue. He says that he was just kidding.
"How the hell can being pissed off be just kidding?"
"I'm sorry."
"God Mike, sorry doesn't solve everything. I'm sick of you getting all bitchy."
We're walking out the front gates. I stop to wait for Cayla, as usual. He follows me and puts a hand on my shoulder. I shrug him off.
"I just don't want to do this anymore Mike. I don't want to be with you anymore." Cue his sad, don't know what to do face.
I'm looking at the ground, trying to avoid this. "You're so affectionate and I'm just not. I don't know how to be. Then when I don't return your affection, you get all pissed off. I can't stand it."
He tries to defend himself, explain his case, but I keep cutting him off. He's saying he's sorry, but I keep getting angry everytime he does. "Mike, sorry doesn't solve everything!"
He says how he's been stressed. (Cue the - wtf? How have you been stressed? don't you not do a fucking thing and still get by?!) I cut him off again.
"You can't keep doing that! You can't keep blaming everything on anger or stress!"
He says he didn't know what to do because he was nervous and didn't know what I wanted. I keep saying otherwise from all his excuses.
"I just need some time to think. I need time alone." He keeps bothering me. Shouldn't that be his cue to leave?
"I need the weekend to just think about all this."
Eventually after repeating myself over and over again, he asks if he should leave me alone until I contact him. I tell him yes. My official decision will be Monday.

I make the decision Saturday. Note, the day this happens, is Friday. No, there is no week inbetween. Day after.
There's so much more to this. Between comparing me to Ashley over and over again, and him being a negative, asshole-ish person in general. I couldn't stand it. He hates practically everything and has no open mind. So many things I couldn't stand about him.



That's over with. And maybe I shouldn't be ranting about that here, but after another little stunt that dumbass pulled today, I don't fucking care.

There's also been all sorts of family drama. + friend drama. + school. + life. I mean really. So many things are taken into account. But all that stuff is pretty minor (except family drama) in comparison to that whole ordeal that just frequently pisses me off.






ONTO THE REAL REASON OF EVERYTHING! COSPLAY!

Ordered a slight remake of my Advent Children costume. Why? Doesn't fit me properly. Too small. Unfortunately, I ordered it over a month ago, and still haven't recieved it. Pretty much bullshit, and I'm pretty fucking irritated.

Should be starting Tifa Wallmarket tomorrow night. That'll be an adventure.

Slowly getting supplies together for classic Tifa. I've got her black arm gloves!! And I have a feeling I know how to deal with everything else.
Except -

suspenders and armor.
gah.

I totally need help with those. I put up a topic on cosplay.com forum too, but no responses yet there.

Any help would be awesome freaking tastic. What do I need help with? Materials. I have a feeling I can figure how to make it, but how in the world do I? You know? If anything, I'm gonna need more help with the suspenders than anything. How will I do the double clasp thing? The hooks onto the skirt sorta thing? .... help?


Also planning to re-dye my hair. If that remake comes in ANYTIME SOON. <_<

ALA didn't happen. Friend said it'd be irresponsible of her to ditch work (had already missed two weeks of it because she was in another country). I understood. And besides that, I ended up getting the stomach flu. Which didn't help me any.

Talking to miss Yuffie more! She knows who she is. (:

Excited for Anime Expo.


and yeah,
that's kind of where my life's been.


























OH YEAH! AND I GOT A PSP FOR CHRISTMAS! WOOOT!
totally own Dissidia now too. And let me say - I'm pretty freaking good at it.



+ my 16th birthday just passed on January 23rd. It always hits me every now and then - Oh my god. I'm 16!!! It's one of the milestone ages. I haven't been this excited since I turned 13.